One for the ladies!! |
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spg
Vanorak ALIVE! Joined: 24 Nov 07 Location: Hertfordshire Status: Offline Points: 1011 |
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Posted: 02 Apr 08 at 17:18 |
This is an actual letter sent to Proctor & Gamble TO: MR. JAMES THATCHER BRAND MANAGER, PROCTER & GAMBLE Dear Mr. Thatcher I have been a loyal user of your Always maxi pads for over 20 years, and I appreciate many of their features. Why, without the LeakGuard Core(tm) or Dri-Weave(tm) absorbency, I'd probably never go horse riding or salsa dancing, and I'd certainly steer clear of running up and down the beach in tight, white shorts. But my favourite feature has to be your revolutionary Flexi-Wings. Kudos on being the only company smart enough to realize how crucial it is that maxi pads be aerodynamic. I can't tell you how safe and secure I feel each month knowing there's a little F-16 in my pants. Have you ever had a menstrual period, Mr. Thatcher? Ever suffered from 'the curse'? I'm guessing you haven't. Well, my 'time of the month' is starting right now. As I type, I can already feel hormonal forces violently surging through my body. Just a few minutes from now, my body will adjust and I'll be transformed into what my husband likes to call 'an inbred hillbilly with knife skills.' Isn't the human body amazing? As brand manager in the feminine-hygiene division, you've no doubt seen quite a bit of research on what exactly happens during your customers' monthly visits from Aunt Flo. Therefore, you must know about the bloating, puffiness, and cramping we endure, and about our intense mood swings, crying and out-of-control behaviour. You surely realise it's a tough time for most women. In fact, only last week, my friend Jennifer fought the violent urge to shove her boyfriend's testicles into a George Foreman Grill just because he told her he thought Grey's Anatomy was written by drunken chimps. Crazy! The point is, sir, you of all people must realize that the UK is just crawling with homicidal maniacs in Capri pants. Which brings me to the reason for my letter. Last month, while in the throes of cramping so painful I wanted to reach inside my body and yank out my uterus, I opened an Always maxi pad, and there, printed on the adhesive backing, were these words: 'Have a Happy Period.' Are you *+*#*ing kidding me? What I mean is, does any part of your tiny middle-manager brain really think happiness - actual smiling, laughing happiness - is possible during a menstrual period? Did anything mentioned above sound the least bit pleasurable? Sir, please inform your accounting department that, effective immediately, there will be an £8 drop in monthly profits, for I have chosen to take my maxi-pad business elsewhere. And though I will certainly miss your Flexi-Wings, I will not for one minute miss your brand of condescending bullshit. And that's a promise I will keep. Always. Best, Wendi Aarons Keep smiling Mrs SPG Edited by spg |
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1985 Fischer converted Syncro now running on LPG (sometimes)
1965 Split Panel (in bits) |
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TeeB
Yardie Joined: 24 Oct 07 Location: Worcestershire Status: Offline Points: 926 |
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Love it..... |
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1985 Westfalia Joker Jubilee
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rogerthecat
Vanorak official aa mascot Joined: 13 Aug 06 Location: on an AA wagon Status: Offline Points: 9374 |
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she's a very funny lady - clickety
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T3 Westy, T3 Syncro (the ScoobyVelle), New Beetle Cab, 2 x Polos - I have too many projects
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Bluebays
Vanorak Joined: 04 Feb 05 Location: Fraggle Rock Status: Offline Points: 2875 |
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